Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My Impulsivity



Impulsivity (or impulsiveness) is a personality trait characterized by the inclination of an individual to initiate behavior without adequate forethought as to the consequences of their actions, acting on the spur of the moment


That's explain A HELL LOT! if i want to describe my self one word, the exact work is: IMPULSIF!

Gw termasuk orang yang GAK PERNAH bilang nggak! JARANG BANGET! seriously. sering banget gw yang jauh lebih semangat dari orang yang ngajak pergi. haha. Klo buat temen-temen deket gw, gw adalah pilihan aman buat diculik, soalnya gw pasti mau. Mau ada ujian kek besoknya, mau gw lagi miskin semiskin"nya, haram buat gw bilang NGGAK.

Karena gw di kuliah di Jogja dan nggak bisa balik terlalu sering ke Jakarta, jadi setiap gw udah beli tiket pesawat pasti gw umumin di twitter gw balik dari tanggal brapa sampe tanggal brapa, nanti tinggal temen-temen gw yg maw ngajak jalan bbm dan gw tinggal nyesuaiin kapan bisanya. Dan karena jarangnya gw nolak ajakan jalan, yang ada ribet sendiri buat juggling waktunya. Gw sangat merasa cool klo temen gw ngajak gw jalan pas gw lagi balik, dan gw tawar-tawaran waktu "gw ga bisa nyet hari ini, gw ada waktu kosong hari ini sama hari ini, lo maw pilih hari yang mana?" brasaa sibuknya!

Klo sahabat gw, Gbonk, udah biasa banget pesen hari, yah walaupun tiap ke Jakarta gw pasti jalan sama dia sih, cuma biasanya dia udah pesen "hari sabtu lo jalan ma gw ya nyet!" nah dari situ gw udah nge-take klo hari itu khusus acara gw jalan ma dya!HA-HA!cool ya cool yaaa?

Keluarga gw sendiri bahkan suka harus ngalah kalau mau ada acara makan atau acara belanja sekeluarga, pasti klo lagi ngomongin kapan bisa pergi, gw yang selalu bilang "ah nggak bisa hari itu tuh mam, anggi keburu janjian sama temen anggi, aku satu-satunya hari kosong hari minggu, kalau hari itu kita jalannya gimana?" karena kluarga gw adalah keluarga demokratis dimana gw manggil nyokap bokap gw-lo (temen" gw slalu heran setiap denger gw ditelfon ma bokap sama nyokap, padahal menurut gw itu biasa banget hehe)jadi seringnya mereka yang ngalah trus kita sekeluarga jalan di hari gw free, biasanya klo kayak gini kakak gw doang yang sebel. haha

Masalah ABADI gw sama bokap setiap gw balik adalah frekuensi jarangnya gw dirumah. dijemput siang atau sore balik biasanya lewat tengah malem. scene yang paling gw suka adalah dimana setiap malem bokap tidur di sofa ruang tamu buat nunggu gw balik. biasanya sih ada 2 kmungkinan pas dia buka pintu, teriak" bilang gw gak ada etika, atau dengan coolnya sambil lalu bilang "besok nggak usah pergi kamu.diem dirumah" tapi karena itu kejadian SETIAP MALEM jadi udah gak jadi masalah buat gw. hahaha


Banyak banget yang udah gw lakuin secara impulsif. i'm a good impulsive buyer!HA-HA.masalah gw ma kakak gw setiap belanja pasti karena frekuensi kecepatan luar biasa gw megang-ambil-bayar, dan kakak gw yang picky berat, yang ada dia baru beli 2 item gw udah 8, dan pas dya maw beli barang yang lain nyokap gw dengan innocentnya ngomong "anggi udah ngabisin semua uangnya dea. gimana ya?" hahahaha

Kengacoan gw yang paling parah adalah NAIK GUNUNG MERBABU! bener-bener 3hari 2malam sama anak pecinta alam kampus gw yg GA GW KENAL SAMA SKALI. jadi critanya, ada temen cowok gw namanya eben, kenal sih, dia sahabat dari sahabat gw, cuma kalau dibilang akrab juga ga sama sekali, waktu itu gw gabung sama temen-temen cowok gw di smoking area, dan dia sebagai anak palmae sejati nawarin ke temen" gw buat daftar ikut naik gunung itu, sebenernya sepele, dari semua anak disitu yang di skip buat ditawarin cuma gw, terus gw ngambek bilang "iih ko lo gitu?ko gak nawarin gw sama sekali?" dya cuma ketawa "emang lo maw apa?" gw dengan congkaknya bilang "MAW. OKE GW LANGSUNG DAFTAR SEKARANG JUGA!" gilaaa!pas gw dateng briefing aja, timingnya setelah gw selesai kelas, jadi gw pake baju rapi dan sendal heels kecil, gw duduk manis di depan ruang palmae nunggu briefing dimulai, dan didatengin salah satu kakak gahar "maw ngapain de?" "briefing kak" "oh ya?briefing apa" "naik gunung merbabu" "siapa? kamu??" (nada suara dan sorot mata ngeremehinnya gak bisa gw lupa sampe skrg! walaupun setelah itu dya manis sih, bilang gak usah takut dan blabla) satu"nya yang bisa disyukuri adalah anak" PALMAE BAIK" BANGET masya allah!gw hampir ga punya semua persyaratannya (yakalii gw punya -___-) jadi eben yg ngurusin sleeping bag sama tas gede bgt itu (pertama gw coba make tas itu setelah gw isi barang" gw adalah gw jatoh terbalik ke belakang. SEBERAT ITU ISI TAS GW!) dan karena gw masih amatir, gw isi tas gw dengan sesuka" gw, baju 5, clana jeans 2, spatu, sampe akhirnya diketawain salah satu kakak palmae, dan dya dengan baiknya ngebongkar tas gw dan ngelarang gw bawa baju sama hal" yg ga penting yg menuhin setengah tas gw sendiri. And believe me when i say, itu hal terberat yang pernah gw lakuin seumur hidup, gw 2 hari gak ganti baju sama skali, naik gunung trus ngerangkak karena jalan yang biasa dipake ternyata longsor dengan tas yang hampir sama tinggi sama badan gw dan beratnya amit", mana becek (gw adalah orang yg gak bisa seimbang sama skali, gw ga bisa naik sepeda dari kecil, gw punya motor di jogja udah setahun lebih dan gw anggurin karena gw gak bisa naikinnya, gw bahkan suka jatoh tanpa ada penyebab) jadi bisa ketebak berapa kali gw harus jatoh-bangun disana,dinginnya keterlaluan pas kita udah di tempat diriin tenda, dan kalo hidup disana mandiri, maksudnya gw harus bawa tas sendri dan sgala macem (ada sih yang nawarin maw bawa tas gw, tapi berhubung dia anak luar FEB dan kesannya baik-kegenitan gw nolak, nggak maw ada utang budi aja), gw bahkan masakin buat orang-orang disana, yah soalnya cewek emang itu doang si tugasnya, yg tugas pasang tenda kan cowok" kuli itu!gw inget, jadi tenda itu kan bukan di puncak gunung,jadi setelah 6jam-an naik gunung, bikin makan malem, api unggun trs tidur, subuh jam 4-5 pagi harusnya naik ke atas gunung dan waktunya sekitar 3-4 jam-an lagi. GW DENGAN TULUS IKHLAS MENOLAK. badan remuk semua, jadi pas gw dibangunin subuh buat diajak naik keatas gw tetep bergeming di sleeping bag gw yg lucu kayak kepompong, sampe semua kakak"nya sampe instrukturnya nyoba buat bangunin gw dan ngebujuk buat naik ke atas. O-GAH!akhirnya gw kebangun siang banget dan terpaksa ngobrol sama kakak" cowok kuli yang nggak naik ke atas soalnya mereka masih hangover gara" tipsy semalem.tapi seru, disitu gw bikin gosip tentang salah satu orang dan karena sifat sksd gw sangat kuat, akhirnya lumayan akrab sama si kakak" nyeremin itu. and it was a GREAT experience!
komentar yg paling bikin gw bahagia sepanjang hidup gw "aku kira kamu anak manja del pertamananya, ternyata nggak ya, nggak banyak ngeluh trus ga ngerepotin juga" HA-HA!
stelah gw balik dan temen gw nanya gimana disana gw cuma bisa bilang "klo lo ngerasa hidup lo berat di jakarta, coba lo naik gunung deh. ga ada apa-apanya!"hahaha

impulsif yang lain adalah dimana gw ngerencanain setiap rencana liburan gw. untungnya gw punya temen yg impulsive juga, jadi waktu ke bali dapet tiket pesawat murah lgsg pesen tanpa mikir (yah mungkin ngebantu juga dengan keadaan orangtua ya. kayak pas gw pergi ke bali ini. kayak gini percakapan gw ma nyokap ( A: halo mam. lagi apa lo? M:lagi kerja nggi. knapa nelvon? tumben? A: gw maw ke bali dong!udah beli tiket! M:oh ya? sama syapa? asik dong? hati-hati disana! ) SEE?nyokap gw ga pernah ngelarang gw apapun jugaa!)waktu gw ke singapore lebih kacau lagi, gw bangun pagi trus ada bbm dari sahabt gw "nyet. singapore yuk nyet!" dan gw lgsg jawab "AYO!" hahaha
kmaren malah dengan impulsifnya temen ngajakin di confrence bbm beli tiket super murah ke hongkong, ga ada 5 menit kita semua udah heboh buat cari tanggal yg pas, sayang pas diklik buat 3orang ternyata seat-nya udah abis :'(
baru-baru ini gw ngehadiahin sahabat gw, orang yg sama yg bbm gw ngajak singapore, early gift buat ulangtahun dya tiket ke Singapore berdua sama gw,itu cuma karena dibbm "mandala promo tuh" pas gw liat dan emang murah gw memutuskan beli pake kartu kredit bokap gw,bahkan tanpa izin ke bokap, hehehe. dan akhirnya beliin sahabat gw yang satu lagi tiket juga,jadi kita bertiga bareng ksana. Gw si ngarepnya supaya ulangtahun gw ke 21 bisa dirayain disana sama sahabat paling akrab dan paling lama yang pernah gw punya :)
dan sampe skarang gw bahkan blom ngasih taw ke bokap nyokap kalau bakal ke singapore lagi. smoga mreka santai kayak biasanya ya..hehe

yang terakhir adalah gw les TOEFL di ILP, itu juga cuma karena gw lagi jalan lunch sama com dan pipit, dan gw bilang gw bosen trus maw les bahasa inggris. com crita dya pernah les di ILP trs gw lgsg bilang "oke gw akan les disitu"! malemnya gw telfon nanya pendaftaran (hoki banget kelasnya blom dimulai), bsoknya placement test, 2hari brikutnya masuk les.
ada jg si training CGCG, waktu itu gw maw abis kuliah trus maw pulang, ketemu sama com di depan poster" dya bilang "ntar sore gw training audit dong!ikut yuk?" gw liat sedetik posternya, ke atm ambil uang 300ribu trs lgsg bayar dan lgsg masuk kelas menit juga, walaupun gw nyesel ternyata yg ngajar disana dosen yg pernah kasih gw nilai E dan gw benci banget sama dia, jadi setelah 1 kelas itu gw mutusin ga maw masuk lagi. haha

my point is..being impulsive itu MENYENANGKAN! seriously. mungkin karena gw orangnya labil, jadi kalau gw tunda" buat mikir yang ada pikiran gw jelek" trus akhirnya ngebatalin rencana itu. SELALU SEPERTI ITU. klo misalnya impulsive kayak gini, somehow ntarnya pasti ada jalan and everything will take its place :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

THANKYOUUUU! :*



this one is specially dedicated to tikus, com, pitak, acil, deveh. too lucky to have you guys :)

first of all, sorry buat tikus yang kmaren jam 1 malem gw usir dari kamar. hahaha. pertama kali seumur hidup gw tuh nyet ngusir orang dari kamar gw sendiri. hahaha. i'm in shock and i need a little time to be alone, i know it's not an easy thing to tell me such news and i really appreciate that you finally decided to tell :) dan maaf karena tadi siang lo ngetok kamar gw lama banget dan bawain makanan dan gw nggak bukain pintu. i'm just out of my mind. haahaha. i'm deeply sorry and i love you because you don't make the big deal of it. i won't survive in jogja without youu practically roommate! :* :*

and this is the crazy part, hahaha thankyou buat pitak, com, acil yang ambush gw di kamar kos. hahaha. tadi gw baru aja gw nge-post "my weird habit" soalnya gw taw klo mreka pasti ada yg ngecek blog and i just can't talk to them directly at that time.
gw SHOCK pas denger suara mereka manggil" trus ngetok" dari luar kamar, soalnya buat masuk kos gw ribet, pager slalu dikunci, dan yg punya kunci cuma anak kosan, untung tadi mreka hoki ktemu binar di depan pager. hahaha
at first, i'm just ignoring them, i'm not ready to face anyone, i need some space and all crap like that, tapi gw taw klo mreka ga bakal nyerah gitu aja, jadi stelah 10menitan dan com NAIKIN KOPER GW buat ngeliat ke jendela diatas pintu kamar gw, i give up. hahaha. that's impossible to ignore them, ya i know that from the start actually.hahaha akhirnya gw bukain pintu dan ngobrol. and kaboom!my problem disappear when i talk to them!seriously, pasti langsung ada bahan ktawaan and another silly stuff. and thanks deveh tadi langsung nyusul :*

all i wanted to say is THANKYOU. seriously deeply heartly to found me in my worst time. thankyou for not giving up on me easily. thankyou for breaking the wall. thankyou for all the laugh, love, and this beautiful friendship. i'm seriously honored to have you guys in my life, i can't be more lucky than this :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

my weird habit

i know i'm not around much lately. hard to reach me on bbm or telephone. and i'm sorry. i know my friends get a little worried and everything. they're so nice. but it's just hard time, no it's exactly a hard month for me. gosh and i just heard the news that someone that used to be so closed to me got a new girlfriend. and i hope that my friends not mislead and think that i'm weird out because of it,because i'm not. i'm happy for him. i really am. he's a really nice guy, and he deserves to be happy :) i just have my personal issues that i should handle. i'm trying now, with my own way.

i'm not so good in relationships. i think i'm a loner type. i'm grateful, God knows how much i treasure my friends, i always want to be there for them, but i just can't share all of my dark thought to everybody. i mean, it just weird for me, the moment i finish tell what's going in my mind, and they'll be like "are you oke?" and i will automatically replied "yah, of course i'm oke. i'm fine" but i'm not. i'm not fine at all. i think i just need to zoned out for a while, so when i meet them and they're asking if i'm fine, i can say that i'm fine and i sincerely mean it :)

or maybe because i cry easily. if i'm telling anyone about my problem right now i'm just gonna break down and cry. and i hate to show my weak side to my friends.

i'm weird i know, i'm just complicated. i hope they can understand that i need some time alone. i hope i can get my happy mood anytime sooner :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

the best feeling

the best feeling is when you think you're lost and someone come to found you. i think i'm lost now. in the middle of nowhere and i don't know what to do, or where to go, or anything. and i lost hope that there'll be someone to find me.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I'm having a meltdown.

I'm not sure that i really wanna share and post it. But it's getting hard and hard and i can't stand it anymore. Sounds drama huh? I'm such a big drama queen, I am, but now, I hate my own drama. I'm fucking hate it.

Emm..first thing first. Gosh, you ever feel that you're so messed up you don't even know what your problem is? HEY!i have the same problem here!haha

I don't know, i really hope it's just a phase you know, teenager and blabla all that cheesy things. But i think this one is pretty hard, at least for me.

So, for now, and Thank God if this feeling can just go away, i have a really low self-esteem. Like UNDERground!haha I'm not faking it.

Everything went wrong. I don't get what what i wanted, and i start blaming God for this, sorry God but you're the one who makes me feel this way.hehe.

Everybody's changing, you know? moving on with their lives, I got stuck here. Nothing's changed for me. BIG NO-THING! hey, I love my life! I do, I have so many fantastic bestfriends, great family and all, for your note, I put NO blame to them. they're terrific. It's me, I'm the one who starts acting weird. haha.

Or maybe I'm just bored? I have this new passion, for travelling, so i try to get scholarship and plan my get away with my friends, the fact i just bought my bestfriend a ticket to Singapore for January 31, can't wait for that. But i'm not so sure about the scholarship, I don't know if I'm ready to take my ass off from here, Jogja, for a long time, I want to deal with my problem, not just run away to a foreign country for an escape. The thing is, escape is a good word for my ear right now. See? I don't even know what i want!!

And yeah for the low self-esteem, it amazed me, oke I'm not the prettiest or the smartest girl in a whole world, but I never ashamed of my self! Na-a! I'm actually pretty confident, easy going kind! But yeaah, now I am not :( emm, maybe because I play sensitive to all the words i heard about me. People can say a lot of bad things about you, even when they're not meaning it. Maybe because the pressure is high, I kinda lost track on my academic's score, and my friends are all brilliant. It scares the hell out of me, feeling left behind. feeling i have nothing i can be proud of. i don't even think about it when high school. Everyone or yeah, in the movies they let you believe that high school sucks, believe me, college is harder.

Or maybe because I'm away too far from my family. It matters, now i do feel it. People get lonely you know? I wonder, if i'm gone will somebody miss me? they have their own lives to care about.i don't know, i sometime think that I've got nothing. Yeaah cheesyy i knoow.haha. But yeah it just how i feel. The thing is I have so many BESTfriends in here, no it's not sarcasm. They really are very kind to me. I got my 4 girls from campus, we have this conference on blackberry messanger, we talk all the time!haha and i have this my practicaally roommate, her room is downstairs, and yeah i kinda live at hers, haha. So I don't know what I'm worried about.

You're gonna laugh for it, I think i kinda sad because i watched too many drama series! hey it's a life changing, believeee me!haha
You know in every drama series, there's this guy that will do everything for her girl. Love deeply, head over heels, you know something like that. I used to have him. USED, you note that right? haha. I don't know, i tell my self to get my feet in the ground, get real, but i think I just can't give up on fairy tale, happily ever after thingy.

Sometime I just blurtly blame God for everything. like "hellooo God, I'm here, do you even notice me?" yaa ya something like that.

Oke, i don't know what else i wanna talk about. So this is it. I screwed up. My life sucks right now. But i hope it'll get better soon!

PS: I really hope my next post will be so much brighter than this! :)